In the Bridezilla warfare waged between the queens of chick flicks, Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway, the only casualties are moviegoers and about two decades worth of feminism.
Rising out of Hollywood's profiteering dregs, the premise of "Bride Wars" is an unfortunate box office fail safe, indulging easy-to-please audiences with an over-contrived and excruciatingly formulaic set-up.
The 26-year-old Manhattanites, Liv (Hudson) and Emma (Hathaway), have been best friends since childhood, both sharing the lifelong dream of having a June wedding at New York's Plaza Hotel.
They become engaged to their bland boyfriends within 24 hours of each other and are each other's squeal-happy maids of honor. However, when their wedding planner, played by chick-flick staple Candice Bergen, accidentally books their nuptials on the same day, 20 years of friendship fly out the window quicker than one can say, "but this isn't believable."
It'd be funny if it weren't so downright petty, two grown women foregoing any logical resolution and resorting to juvenile, humiliating pranks to sabotage each other's big day.
Writers Greg DePaul ("Saving Silverman"), Casey Wilson ("SNL") and June Raphael dichotomize Hudson and Hathaways' characters to the point of being ludicrous: blonde vs. brunette, a perfectionist vs. a pushover, rich vs. poor. Directed by run-of-the-mill Gary Winick ("13 Going on 30"), this 90-minute mess reaffirms nearly every stereotype about women and their supposed wedding obsession.
Liv, the career-minded lawyer, is reduced to blubbering tears during a briefing over a botched dye job. Emma, the soft-spoken teacher, discovers an inner-bitch Omerosa would be proud of after her tanning salon fiasco.
Each backstab balances out so that one character never wins too many hearts. Hathaway ends up looking rosier though, despite a tale of dead parents that's supposed to inject sympathy into Hudson's character.
Topped off with trite narration from Bergen, nearly indistinguishable fiancés played by "O.C."'s Chris Pratt and "Reba" regular Steve Howey and saccharine photo montages; one almost gets vertigo from so much eye-rolling.
The film managed to wrestle down a few moments of genuine cleverness."You don't alter Vera to fit you; you alter yourself to fit Vera," wails Hudson when she realizes she can't fit into her $18,000 dress.
It's a humorous witticism in the face of the uneasy body image undertones.Portraying lifestyles as unrealistic as Carrie Bradshaw's, the film toes a fine line between lampooning Bridezilla-dom and glorifying it.
Grade: D+
Verdict: It is no small feat to turn two women renowned for their onscreen likability into wholly despicable juveniles.
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